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Tag: theplotthickens
#GPOY
SO ONE OF THE DOWNSIDES TO GAINING A PHYSICAL FORM IN THIS DIMENSION IS THAT, DESPITE BEING IMMORTAL, I STILL GO THROUGH A FEW BIOLOGICAL PROCESSES.
TO BE SPECIFIC: APPARENTLY I SHED MY SKIN! THIS IS NOT A PART OF MORTALITY THAT I PARTICULARLY MISSED! ONLY TIME WILL TELL HOW OFTEN I SHED MY SKIN.
BUT OVERALL I’D SAY 0/10 F- NO GOLD STARS, WOULD NOT RECOMMEND, BEING LIT ON FIRE IS PREFERABLE.
MR. ENIGMA…
((Bill responds to 6 anonymous (sort of) asks from his stalker/potential romantic interest behind the read more))
NEEDING TO THINK SO LONG ON WHAT YOU WANT MUST MEAN YOU WANT LOTS OF THINGS.
OR BY THE SOUND OF IT, AT LEAST ONE VERY DIFFICULT THING! I HAVE TO ADMIT I’M INTRIGUED. I DO LIKE A CHALLENGE, AND I DON’T LIKE SOMEONE TELLING ME THERE’S SOMETHING I CAN’T DO!
AS FOR RUNNING THE NUMBERS AND TRUSTING YOU…HAH! I BARELY EVEN TRUST MYSELF, PAL! BUT OKAY, SO YOU MET ANOTHER VERSION OF ME, BUT NOT ME….
YOU KNOW WHAT’S MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE FACT THAT WE HAVEN’T MET BEFORE?
THE FACT THAT WE COULD MEET. JUST YOU AND ME. I’M THINKING SOMEPLACE NICE AND ISOLATED. NO WITNESSES. Y’KNOW – ROMANTIC!
HEHEHE. I WOULDN’T CALL IT POSING EXACTLY, IT’S MORE LIKE IT’S HARD TO FIND ME AT SOME POINT DURING THE DAY WHEN I DON’T HAVE A DRINK IN HAND!
HUMAN ALCOHOL DOESN’T DO MUCH FOR ME, THOUGH I ENJOY ABSINTHE AND I’VE GOT A WEAK SPOT FOR ANYTHING THAT BURNS ON THE WAY DOWN, CINNAMON-INFUSED HARD LIQUOR IS A NICE TREAT IF YOU’RE FEELING SELF-INDULGENT!
MOSTLY I DRINK TIME PUNCH. LITTLE-KNOWN FACT (THOUGH CONSIDERING WHAT A BIG FAN YOU ARE, I BET YOU ALREADY KNOW SOME OF THIS): THE NIGHTMARE REALM IS THE #1 SOURCE FOR HIGH-QUALITY COSMIC SAND, THE MAIN INGREDIENT OF TIME PUNCH– A BOOTLEG LIQUOR CAPABLE OF KILLING MOST THINGS THAT TRY TO DRINK IT. IF IT DOESN’T KILL YOU IT’LL JUST GET YOU NICE AND FUCKED UP. NOW THAT’S A LIQUOR! ANYTHING ELSE MAY AS WELL BE TAP WATER.
BUT UNFORTUNATELY TIME BABY’S A GREEDY LITTLE BRAT AND WANTS ALL THE COSMIC SAND FOR HIMSELF, SO HE’S GOTTEN IT WHERE MULTIPLE ALTERNATE DIMENSIONS HAVE ALL BANNED THE SALE AND CONSUMPTION OF TIME PUNCH BECAUSE OF “SAFETY CONCERNS” AND “ECOSYSTEM IMPACT”. HAH!
AND PEOPLE SAY I’M NO GOOD AT SHARING. TIME BABY JUST WANTS TO HOARD THE SAND AND KEEP ME FROM TURNING AN HONEST PROFIT. CLASSIC TIME BABY CHICANERY.
HEHEHEHEHEHE LOOKS LIKE YOU STARTED HITTING THAT BEVERAGE OF YOURS A BIT HARDER, HAVEN’T YOU? AHH WELL, SOBRIETY AIN’T ALL IT’S CRACKED UP TO BE, AND NEITHER IS SPELLING OR GRAMMAR.
HOWEVER, RUDE, MUCH? IF YOU KNOW WHY A GUY WOULD GET DEFENSIVE ABOUT HIS SIDES, THEN YOU SHOULD KNOW IT’S MORE THAN A LITTLE IMPOLITE TO TALK ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT ALL OF THEM ARE THE SAME OR NOT! I KNOW YOU’RE TIPSY BUT PLEASE.
I’M NOT THE SORT OF GUY TO DISCUSS HOW LONG HIS EDGES ARE ON A FIRST DATE!
FLATTERER! BUT A GENTLEMAN NEVER REVEALS SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!!
….AND THINGS WERE GOING SO WELL, TOO! SO YOU’RE A GENTLEMAN ARE YOU, MR. ENIGMA? THIS AND SOME OF THOSE OTHER MESSAGES YOU SENT ME (TOO SAUCY TO ANSWER PUBLICLY!!!) WERE A FAR CRY FROM GENTLEMANLY!
SO WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SEND ME MORE LIKE THAT? I’M WAIIIIIITING….
…Y’KNOW, IF YOU CAME OFF ANON AND TALKED TO ME, I MIGHT HAVE A COUPLE OF, AH…PHOTOGRAPHS OF MYSELF THAT I COULD BE PERSUADED TO SEND YOU…
Geometrically-challenged child cultists should have stuck with the triangles.
Only thing is though- you don’t spawn a demon with a pentagram, you trap a demon with it.
You’d be hard-pressed to find any old traditions in which a pentagram on the ground would be used to contain a spirit – it’s honestly kind of a pop culture thing, used because pentagrams are instantly recognizable and simple to make (er… well, relatively speaking). I think it’s use in modern occult fantasy is derived from traditions about Solomon having a magic ring engraved with holy symbols with which he could command spirits. If you want to get goetic, an evocation set up would more traditionally consist of a magic circle made from protective symbols and words, within which the magician would stand. Outside the magic circle, they would draw a smaller triangle – the demon would be conjured into the triangle, unable to escape and forced to obey do to divine words and syllables inscribed around it. Something like this:
You don’t see too many complex conjuration setups rendered in media mainly because they’re really hard to draw… and, clearly, kids already struggle to make much simpler pentagrams.
IMHO, that’s chill – the history of Western occultism is basically “Our Demons Are Different”, with every occultist trying to one-up his predecessors with funky fresh esoteric theory and rules (and a large dose of Kabbalah appropriation). Every culture and time period has a different approach to contacting the spirit world(s), so I figure that if on the off-chance spirits are real, they’d respond to sincerity, coolness, and intention rather than a single, specific magical tradition.
THIS GLUMSHOE FELLA REMINDS ME OF FORDSY BACK WHEN HE WAS BRIGHT-EYED, BUSHY-TAILED, AND THE BIGGEST WORRY HE HAD IN HIS FLUFFY LITTLE HEAD WAS IF THE CRYSTAL PYRAMIDS HE ORDERED OVER THE PHONE WERE GOING TO GET CHIPPED IN THE MAIL! HEY, @goldencipherphile KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THIS GUY THE NEXT TIME YOU CRAZY KIDS IN THE TEMPLE HAVE A RECRUITING DRIVE. BET HE’D FIT RIGHT IN ONCE HE STOPPED SCREAMING!
AS FOR THE REST OF MY DEVOTED FANS, THEY WEREN’T LYING TO YOU IN SCHOOL WHEN THEY SAID PENMANSHIP WAS IMPORTANT! IT IS! TO US.
NEFARIOUS FORCES OF EVIL FROM BEYOND THE VOID SURE DO LOVE CHAOS, BUT WE ALSO LIKE BEING ABLE TO READ YOUR HANDWRITING!
AND I MEAN, HOW ELSE DID YOU THINK YOU WERE GOING TO GET AHEAD IN LIFE IF NOT MAKING DEMONIC PACTS? HARD WORK AND PERSEVERANCE? PULLING YOURSELF UP BY YOUR OWN BOOTSTRAPS? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I MEAN, IT’S PRETTY SIMPLE YOU GUYS! WHICH SOUNDS MORE LOGICAL AND LIKELY TO HAPPEN:
WORKING HARD TO IMPROVE YOURSELF IN A GENERAL SENSE AND HOPING YOU’LL BE GOOD ENOUGH (SO GOOD, BETTER THAN ANYBODY ELSE WHO EVER DID THAT THING YOU (AND A MILLION OTHERS JUST LIKE YOU) WANT TO DO!!!) TO SUCCEED AT YOUR GOALS ALL ON YOUR OWN, OR…
WORKING HARD TO IMPROVE YOURSELF IN THE WAYS THAT WILL GET OTHERS (FRIENDS, FAMILY, COWORKERS, BOSSES, PSYCHIC ENERGY BEINGS) TO HELP YOU SUCCEED?
THE ONLY TIMES I’VE EVER SEEN HUMANS ACTUALLY ACHIEVE ANYTHING OF NOTE, IT WAS WHEN THEY WORKED TOGETHER! MAYBE STOP AND THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A FEW SECONDS SOMETIME— Y’KNOW, BEFORE YOU GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT HOW STUPID OTHER PEOPLE ARE.
(UNLESS YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT YOUTUBE COMMENTS. IN THAT CASE, I CAN’T HELP YOU. I’M PRETTY SURE GOOGLE ADDED AN ALGORITHM TO YOUTUBE WHEN THEY DEVOURED THEM THAT SUCKS THE INTELLIGENCE OUT OF ANYONE WHO LOGS IN TOO OFTEN)
SO: GET OUT THOSE RULERS AND COMPASSES NEXT TIME, DON’T BE A BUNCH OF SLOPPY SAMS AND SALLYS! I DON’T GRADE ON A CURVE AND I WANT THOSE INVOCATION DESIGNS TO BE PRISTINE. ELABORATE IS GOOD, TOO! I WANT TO SEE SOME CREATIVITY! THINK OUTSIDE OF THE CIRCLE – HAHAHAHA!
THANKS FOR THE REMINDER BABE, SOMETIMES EVEN I FORGET HOW AMAZING I AM! YOU’RE RIGHT, I DO DESERVE THE BEST, SO I’M NOT GOING TO HOLD MYSELF BACK! I’LL GIVE THIS THING MY FULL ATTENTION!
Ok Bill, it’s ok. So you’ve been out of the game for awhile. It’s fine.
Yes it is fine to have a wall with the heads of your enemies. I tend to find secret web cams in there all the time. Some times I leave a gift of some human or deer teeth near one of them to show I have found it. It’s quite fun.
Leave the box of tissues out. If they want to drool over you, then they better at least clean themselves up before leaving. That’s just rude to leave a mess.
Eh, really up to you. I usually mix it up and fill the hot tub with the blood. Perfect setting.
I don’t think we offer goats anymore. Try deer teeth or maybe a vial of blood from a wendigo. That always makes me giddy to get. And it to them, not their father. It can be second or third date.
I think you are fine as long as its not pigs blood. I usually use the blood of my last stalker that failed to meet my requirements.
I find the best present to leave them is the corpse of the previous stalker around somewhere for them to find. That way they know there is no competition. Some of them can get pretty jeleous if you know what I mean.
I’m sure you’ll be fine buddy. Enjoy that date with your new stalker!
TO BE HONEST, IT’S LESS “BEEN OUT OF THE GAME” AND MORE “NEVER PARTICIPATED IN THE GAME”. MOST OF MY KNOWLEDGE OF COURTSHIP BEHAVIOR COMES SECOND HAND!
YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY DID CHECK FOR HIDDEN CAMERAS, AND WAS REALLY DISAPPOINTED WHEN I COULDN’T FIND ANY! I MEAN, WATCHING ME SLEEP IN PERSON IS NICE, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ALL-CONSUMING TINGLY FEELING OF CONSTANT PARANOIA CAUSED BY NEVER KNOWING IF THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE IS WATCHING YOUR MOST PRIVATE MOMENTS? MAYBE TALKING ABOUT IT HERE WILL BE THE HINT THEY NEED TO UP THEIR GAME!!! AFTER ALL, JUST LOOK AT ME FOLKS: I WAS MADE TO BE ADMIRED.
CONSIDERING MY DEMOGRAPHIC OF FANS I SHOULD PROBABLY CHECK FOR HIDDEN DEVIL TRAPS AND BINDING SPELLS TOO. DON’T WANT TO TRIP OVER THE CARPET AND INTO A CONTRACT WITH SOME DIY-NECROMANCER THAT BOUGHT HIS GRIMOIRE AT A GARAGE SALE!
I KIND OF THOUGHT IT WAS RUDE OF THEM TO NOT CLEAN UP AFTER THEMSELVES TOO, BUT ON THE CHANCE THAT THEY WERE READING MY COMMENTARY, I DIDN’T WANT TO CALL THEM OUT ON IT AND MAKE ‘EM FEEL BAD. I’LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO MAKE THEM FEEL BAD AFTER WE GO OUT ON OUR DATE!
AS FOR THE HOT TUB FULL OF BLOOD, WOW! WHAT A GREAT IDEA! ARE YOU A PROFESSIONAL ROMANCE COACH, SWEETHEART? I THINK A GIG WITH HGTV IS IN YOUR FUTURE! I WAS GETTING HUNG UP ON HOW GUMMY IT WOULD GET, AND I KNOW WHEN YOU START HEATING THAT STUFF THE SMELL CAN BE OFF PUTTING FOR PEOPLE WITH NOSES! BUT IF I JUST ADD SOME ANTI-COAGULATING AGENT, IT’LL STAY NICE AND SLIPPERY, PERFECT FOR A ROMANTIC SEDUCTION EVENING AT HOME!
I AM SHOCKED TO HEAR THAT THE GOAT THING HAS FALLEN SO FAR OUT OF FAVOR. ARE YOU SURE IT ISN’T JUST THAT SOMETHING ELSE HAS REPLACED GOATS? OBVIOUSLY VIALS OF BLOOD OR LITTLE FUN TAFFETA BAGS FULL OF TEETH ARE ALWAYS WONDERFUL TO RECEIVE…BUT I JUST DON’T KNOW! A BAG FULL OF TEETH HARDLY HAS THE ECONOMIC REASSURANCE IMPLIED BY A THOUSAND GOATS!
EDIT: I WAS SO SHOCKED BY THIS I ACTUALLY WENT TO GO CHECK. APPARENTLY HUMANS HAVE SOMEHOW FOOLED THEMSELVES INTO THINKING COURTSHIP GIFTS AREN’T TRANSPARENT ATTEMPTS TO BUY SOMEONE! AND PEOPLE CALL ME A LIAR!
AS FOR PROVIDING BLOOD AND/OR A BODY OF MY LAST UNSUCCESSFUL STALKER… WELL, I DON’T WANT TO ADMIT HOW LONG IT’S BEEN, BUT I’LL SAY THAT IT’S BEEN A WHILE. SO UNFORTUNATELY THAT ISN’T AN OPTION.
BUT ALL THE REST OF YOUR ADVICE IS SPOT-ON, AND MUCH APPRECIATED, KIDDO! LET’S CONSIDER THAT A FAVOR I OWE YOU IN THE FUTURE. MAKE SURE NOT TO WASTE IT! HEHEHE.
Triangle Man: Bill Cipher's Blog 